Friday, April 20, 2012

Snapshots

OMG, seriously, blogger? You delete everything on me? I might strangle you now. No, I'm gonna send Puck after you and he'll strangle you for me. The boy has anger issues anyways so might as well let him blow off steam.

ARRRRRRGGGGGH!!!!

Okay, anyways, since blogger ate my original post I will do my best to sum it up. I've been slacking on writing a blurb for Snapshots. I need some motivation or a kick in the butt. And since I don't really want someone to kick me, some motivation via my blog will have to do.

My name is Cyclop Blaine and I am a real person.
         You are mine.
I am a real person despite my childhood spent in a lab under the supervision of an old man I only know of as Master.
         You belong to me.
I am a real person despite my teenage years spent surrounded by violence as the adoptive son of the leader of the Victory Street Gang.
         You are mine.
I am a real person despite the visions I see in others' eyes. Snapshots of their futures.
         You will obey me.
I am a real person and my life will be my own. I belong to no one.
         You. Are. MINE.


So what do you think? I broke all the rules of querying, eh? But if it works. If not, then I'll follow the rules and try again. Also thinking of changing the POV to first person instead of third.

*EDIT*
Lor gave me this tweak in the comments and I thought I'd put it here for comparison so people don't miss it in the comment section.

My name is Cyclop Blaine and I am a real person.
         "You are mine."
I am a real person: heedless of a childhood spent under the supervision of an old man I only know of as Master.
         "You belong to me."
I am a real person: regardless of my teenage years bound by violence as the adoptive son of the Victory Street Gang's leader.
         "You will obey me."
I am a real person: despite the visions I see in others' eyes. Snapshots of their futures.
         "You will cower before me."
I am a real person: my life will be my own. I belong to no one.
        "You. Are. MINE."

15 comments:

  1. You did go against them all rules didn't you. To me it reads like a poem so perhaps...

    I am a real person.
    You are mine.
    I am a real person: in the face of my childhood spent under the supervision of an old man I only know of as Master.
    You belong to me.
    I am a real person: regardless of my teenage years bound by violence as the adoptive son of the Victory Street Gang's leader.
    You are mine.
    I am a real person: despite the visions I see in others' eyes. Snapshots of their futures.
    You will obey me.
    I am a real person: and my life will be my own. I belong to no one.
    You. Are. MINE.

    Little different but very poem-ish. I like.

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  2. Lor, I love you. lol I like how that reads that way.

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    Replies
    1. :D I like the poem aspect of the blurb. I took some things out cuz it interrupted the flow & gave away a little too much. I know this cuz I've read this wonderment known as Snapshots.

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    2. I wasn't thinking poem when I wrote it. lol Your changes definitely make it flow better. Now, to just get a few more opinions and see if others think it entices. =D

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  3. Two things.

    One, me likey the snapshot.

    Two, I can read? *grabby fingers*

    :D

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    Replies
    1. Two things.
      Do I have your email address?
      Will you promise not to make me cry too hard w/ red ink? ;)

      Delete
    2. See what I did there? XD

      I needs sleep. Ignore. XD

      Delete
    3. One, you should, because I sends you stuff. :D If not just DM me.

      And yes! :D I don't have the energy to edit my own stuff, I won't tear yours apart XD

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    4. Oi, Murph does that mean the blurb was a success?

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    5. Oh yeah, got your email. I'll send the WIP your way. =D

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    6. So that's three favorable reactions cuz I showed Daniel earlier and he liked it too.

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    7. Huzzah! A win against the poop known as a PITA!

      Delete
  4. I second Lor's edits. And I love this idea behind this.

    ReplyDelete