Tuesday, February 14, 2012

A Special Confetti Valentine by Lor

Today I have a special post by my good friend, Lor. She has an affection for confetti and came up with a fun little story involving Drew and Tommy and asked to borrow them. Being curious, I couldn't say no. Although Drew might have wished I had said no. Anyways, enough chit chat, Happy Valentine's Day and enjoy the story.

The icy night air stood soundless. A light covering of snow blankets the ground in a white shimmering veneer. Stray small boxes litter the ground. Above me a heart shaped balloon lays in the clutch of a naked tree. A discarded pink, red, and white card with what looks like some sort of cartoon character flutters in the trivial chilling breeze.

Walking down the path I steer myself towards the residence of my friend Patty. Patty is a human an exceptionally delicious smelling human. If not for my superior age I do not think I would be able to control my desire in her company. Although afterwards I know I would feel immense repentance. Patty has always been excellent to me in spite of the world we now inhabit. A world where vampires such as I are known, openly detested, hunted, and persecuted.

When I first met Patty she merely looked at me through her window. She did not scream nor did she call Vampire Forces. She simply acknowledged me for what I am. A vampire. We conversed for several weeks through her open skylight before she finally invited me in.

That night I will not lie and feign indifference when I met two other vampires already in her home. One I recognized instantaneously. Tommy. Chocolate brown hair with cavernous cobalt eyes met me. I suppose if I were human he would be measured as handsome a quiet, brooding type, a very distinctive characteristic of our kind. I am slightly ashamed to confess that I was in attendance the night of his capture at the high school dance. I do believe that if we had been quote on quote friends at that time as we are now I would have helped him. Not too much longer after this downward spiral in the young vampire’s luck I was flabbergasted and slightly bemused to see him on trial for his crimes against humanity. His crime for being what he is. A vampire.

I think it dazed the humans to see Tommy’s very human family sitting all alone on their side of the courtroom save one girl. The vampire’s love: Sunlight. I remember thinking what a silly thing this trial is. We all knew the outcome.

The other vampire I have not seen before. Patty introduced him as Drew a dirty blonde vampire with light sky blue eyes. If I had the mind to put a proper adjective to him as I had done with Tommy I suppose Drew would be adorable. Despite being a vampire Drew wore a small half there smile. A rare thing for those of our kind. Very rare indeed.

Turning down the street leading to Patty’s a group of girls sat giggling on the steps of a house. Five healthy vivacious young ladies chatting about another useless holiday humans over indulge in. Valentines Day.

A holiday just as useless as Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter.

Patty tried explaining that it’s a day for humans to express their love for one another with gifts. Particularly flowers, chocolates, candies, and cards. The three of us had looked to one another in confusion. My question, “Can’t you do that everyday? Why make a special day?” Tommy cocked his head. Drew nodded vigorously.

Patty rolled her eyes dramatically face planting on her laptop.

Not only am I mature enough to remember the times when letters required sending via scrolls or messengers or couriers or hung in the town square I am also technologically inept. The devices anger me and I more often than not end up crushing them. Ok so I might have pulverized them.

Who says we vampires do not feel emotion? I know a few cell phones and computers that would beg to differ.

She also does something that I have always found odd on this maddening piece of repugnant technology. She writes. I once inquired as to why she does such a pointless none essential surviving activity. She thought about it, cocking her head to the side. Her answer as usual made no since, “We humans write to tell a story. To share our feelings and views with the world.”

My passing finally alerts the girls of my attendance. They all reach for the flamer wands, undersized black cylindrical devices that generate about a foot to a foot and a half of flame. Now I am not one for examining human movies. I find them like most human things futile but I did observe Star Wars. The wands humans carry remind me of the light sabers in those movies. I idly wonder if the humans borrowed the idea for the wands from those movies but I never seem to remember to ask Patty.

Continuing down the block I pass Patty’s to ensure the girls do not take note of me entering her quarters. Instead I circle around to the back easily leaping up onto the ledge just outside of Patty’s windowpane lightly drumming on the glass.

Tommy permits me entrance. “He’s hiding under the bed again.” He states simply, referring to Drew.

Frowning I climb inside shaking off the light bit of snow gathered upon my shoulders and hair from a squirrel running across a tree I just so happened to be walking under at the time. “That is no easy feet.” I reply dryly. “Considering Patty’s futon mattress. Not easy at all.”

The both of us turn at the sound of an exasperated Patty. “He won’t come out! Damnit. Lav, can you get him out? I really need to get some writing done.” Her hair reminds me of a sun bleached zebra standing in grass. Dark and light blonde streaks tipped with green. Her glasses fell somewhat down the bridge of her nose. I watch her push them up unconsciously.

Tilting my head I couldn’t help but smile at her frazzled state. “Why would I be able to coax the hiding Drew from his chosen sanctuary?” Looking around I blink swiftly at a bouquet of valentines balloons held by a large heart shaped affix. A rather large, insufferable really, box of what smells to be chocolate sat in the glider chair next to the bushel of balloons. The other glider held something shiny. Very shiny. Now vampires by nature are naturally afraid of exceedingly vivid or sparkly things. All except for me it seems. Aw and my twin brother. He too shares my odd since of attraction.

I once sat at Patty’s window, before she invited me in, playing with the electrical barricade that thwarts any undesirable vampire from entering. She had called me odd. I was inclined to agree. Still am in fact.

“Because you’re older than dirt and talk all mysterious and persuasive. Now please do something!” Cocking my head at the very shiny things in the chair I ignore Patty. Picking up the container the small pink, purple and red heart shaped things wink at me. I love them.

“What are these?” I ask examining the container further. I really like these. Very much.

Patty’s annoyed sigh did little to pull my mind from the very shiny objects in my hands. Tommy says nothing. “Confetti, why? Now can you please go get Drew! He’s my inspiration for this book and I need him!” Patty’s foot stomping reminds me of a petulant child. I thought it cute.

“Confetti.” Turning the container I smile in delight as the small objects roll over each other catching the light. “I find this confetti to be most endearing. I wish it to be mine. May I have it?”

“Damnit Lav, I’ll buy loads of confetti if you get Drew out from under my bed!”

Turning to Patty I cannot help but gawk. “There is more of this wonderfully delightful confetti? Whereabouts may it be? I wish for more.”

“Why?” I sigh. Even I, a vampire, find Tommy’s constant “why” exhausting. He is most likable except for this one trait. The ever why.

Glancing over Tommy I do not think before I answer. “This glittering wonderment that is this confetti delights me more than I care to admit. I find it most fascinating. Lovely little trinkets they are. I wish for more.”

Both Patty and Tommy give me a look I can easily describe as confusion. “Uh, the store why? I’ve got more in my cabinet.”

I can feel my eyes widen at Patty’s declaration. Rushing to her, I am slightly mortified to say I am a little too eager. “You do my dearest? May I see it if you do not mind? Please?”

Patty blinks several times at me. I do believe she is keeping company with vampires too often. She is beginning to show characteristics of my kind. “Sure.” Sounding rather loath Patty fetches more of the wonderful thing known as confetti from her upper cupboard.

This confetti is diverse. Very diverse. Small chili peppers salsa delightfully in a baggie. Another bag holds a charming rainbow of birthday cakes and ice-cream cones. Yet another bag held the crème de la crème: zoo animals. Magnificent, captivating, joyful zoo animals.

I love zoo animals.

Animals in general to be honest.

I once had a cat despite my vampire nature. I was more than dismayed when my Zookie died of old age. She was my best friend until I met Patty nearly three hundred years later. Now I am encroaching upon Patty and her husband Kel once a senight in the least. I previously killed another vampire for infringing to close upon her one eve as she walked home. Patty being Patty, always captivated in her own little world of writing, didn’t even recognize the danger crawling its way towards her. I swiftly took care of the situation but I shan’t tell Patty.

“May I?” Tilting my head once again my fingers itch to hold this phenomenal amusement.

Patty hastily hands over the confetti. I am in a confetti glee haze. “What about Drew? Lav, get him out from under my bed!” Stomping her foot again Patty crosses her arms in annoyance.

"Yes, yes, in a moment have no qualms my dear I shall charm the reclusive Drew from his chosen asylum.” Taking my new found love to the unoccupied glider chair I cannot help my enthrallment.

“I’m leaving to feed. L-Lav, are you coming?” Poor dearest Tommy he is most reluctant in the use of one’s name. Still.

“Nay child I fed preceding my arrival.” Ignoring Tommy’s indignant snort to my referencing him as a child I began to turn the baggies this way and that.

Such stupefaction this confetti is. I wish for more. Oodles more.

“Lav? Drew. Now.” Looking to Patty I am puzzled to see her pointing in the direction of her bedroom. I am very aware of the course one must take to her bedchamber and I am also conscious as to the whereabouts of our coy Drew.

Now normally Drew is very outgoing and friendly. The most human of the three of us. Perhaps the most human in action is a superior portrayal. However; when Patty sets her mind to write another of her books, this one centering on poor Drew, he tends seek refuge. The unwanted thought of a human, even a pleasant one, makes him anxious. For this I blame him not.

Patty’s last book concentrated on Tommy an autobiography if you will. Albeit embellished for the whims of humans but mostly true nonetheless. Tommy took it all in stride un-phased by Patty’s poking and prodding. Drew is more of a delicate sort. I fear I too will be the focus of Patty’s inquire. I shutter to think.

Both Tommy and Drew are of this century both born in unsympathetic times where humans are more than aware of our existence. My brother, Lux, and I; however, are from a much different atmosphere. The times for vampires in the olden were without a doubt very dissimilar and very much a different coalition assortment of vampire.

Lavish and Luxurious we are. Lux the Depraved, and Lav the Immoral, the only pair of twins, to my awareness, to receive the gift of an eternal night more than three years apart, most simply known as The Twins. The gift was bequeathed upon me former. Much the same as Tommy I found myself unable to nourish myself upon the one individual whom I share a deeper correlation then even today’s advances in science can explain. My brother, like Danny, would have stayed as he were born if not for horrifying circumstances pushed upon us forcing me to present him eternal night. A gift he sorely did not covet.

The Twins had quite the reputation in the days of old. Highly coveted, highly feared mercenaries for the use of the more sinister dealings of a professed high society. The Twins were the finest at all they set their conjoined wits upon. Feared persons of the night not once thought to be what they truthfully are: vampires.

Over the centuries turned millennia The Twins weaken from civilization only to reinstate themselves once more. A diversion The Twins occupies themselves hence. Nonetheless over time Lux and I have befuddled the façade of The Twins. We are simply as we should be. True to ourselves.

Patty would have a field day. The turn of phrase is field day is it not? Shrugging to myself I stand in preparation as to my upcoming endeavor of coaxing poor Drew. Then an impious idea entertains itself. “Dearest Patty, might have you a bucket? Or even a large mixing bowel perhaps? And perchance some rendered animal fat?”

“Some what?”

“Rendered animal fat? I do believe you humans have thus assigned the forename of glue.”

Patty’s one eyebrow raises a fraction. “Why?”

I smile revealing my fangs. “I have the most splendid idea a fun little tit for tat to ensure a most humorous evening.”

Patty says nothing. She simply stares at me and of course I stare back. With an indignant huff Patty stalks into the kitchen retrieving my previous requests. Another huff follows Patty into the same cupboard that once produced my exquisite new found elation. After much rummaging and a few curses Patty turns tossing me a hefty bottle of glue. “Might you have more?”

Rolling her eyes Patty once again digs feverishly in the cupboard. Another large bottle is tossed haphazardly my way. I catch it with ease.

Smiling to myself I set about pouring all the glue into the mixing bowl. “What are you doing?! You’re ruining my bowl! I need that!”

“The laughs will be well worth the price of a single bowl. Hush it.” Looking rather infuriated at my admonishment Patty crosses her arms nettled. “I shall desire more confetti. I expect more in the marrow.” Opening the bags I take one last look at my beloved confetti dumping all my lovelies into the awaiting glue. Grabbing a forgotten hairbrush I use the handle to stir in my new found love.

"LAV! Not my hairbrush! Damnit! You vampires I swear! No sense of anything, dang it, I thought you were old? Haven’t you learned anything?” Ignoring Patty I toss the brush too her once finished. I do believe I catch her off guard. The juggling of the said hairbrush from one hand to various parts of her arms is only one indication. Glue and stray bits of confetti are her new accessory.

I rather take pleasure in the confetti ingredient.

“Damnit, Lav, just look at this! I’m a mess.”

“What a mess indeed.”

Scowling at me Patty’s lower lips pokes out. “This is not funny.”

Cocking my head I frown in confusion. “Am I laughing? Nay my dear I am not.”

“You are so!” Patty waves her hairbrush at me. “You’re so! Ohhh!”

I watch Patty stomp off into the kitchen brandishing her hairbrush in the air muttering something about causing me bodily harm under her breath. Shrugging to myself I take my bowl of confetti and rendered animal fat into Patty’s bedroom. As pre-explained Drew is curled under Patty’s bed. Well sort of. To be precise you see there is no underneath to Patty’s resting place. A simple futon mattress in the middle of the floor speaks of Patty’s down to earth ease. And our dearest Drew hides, quite badly, underneath, a rather large lump interrupting the smooth surface of Patty’s futon mattress.

I cannot help but giggle to myself causing Drew to peek out from under the mattress. His wide eyes stare up at me, “What are you doing?”

“Something most humorous for our Patty if you continue to refuse her inquires.” Patty’s small curses along with the running water from kitchen sound all too loud to me. What a wonderful thing indoor plumbing is much more convenient then the olden days.

If possible, Drew shuffles deeper under the mattress. “I don’t want to talk tonight. Can’t you tell her I need a break?”

Stepping closer I smile. “Sorry, but Patty does tend to beat a dead horse.”

Confusion flickered in Drew’s eyes in the darkness under the mattress. “What does that mean?”
Crouching I take the mattress in my free hand. “It means young one that Patty can be most probing when the needle tickles her so.”

Tossing the mattress aside I pounce on Drew pouring my concoction all over the young vampire. He gasped, his arms flaying and pulls a laugh from me. Scrambling out from under me, Drew takes off towards the main living area of Patty’s dwelling. I of course take chase. Drew mustn’t be allowed to leave else I fear he may not return in time for Patty’s inquisition. Snatching Drew around the middle I good-naturedly toss the younger, glue and confetti caked, vampire into the very comfortable computer chair and sending it crashing into a tan glider. I dear say the poor glider never had a chance against the disaster that is the confetti covered Drew.

In spite of our loudness and the devastation of one of her precious glider chairs Patty almost fell over laughing at our antics. Popping up Drew notices Patty, tears falling down her cheeks. Panic flits across his face. “Why is she crying?” A glob of confetti glue slides down Drew’s cheek.

Looking to Patty I observe her a moment. “Nay child she is merrily laughing.”

"Human’s cry when they laugh?” Drew sounds much like Tommy.

“On occasion if their humor is inspired just so they cry due to intemperance mirth.”

Looking torn between relief and confusion at my words, Drew pulls off his shirt, attempting, rather disastrously I might add, to clean my mixture off his face. He eyes me warily, his words showing a rare moment of courage for the timid, young vampire. “Paybacks aren’t fun, ya know.”

“Nay child when one returns what once thus mine ‘tis a most festive occasion. You youthful one have not exploited a possession of mine.”

Dropping his arms to his side, his poor shirt dangling, Drew’s bravery vanishes in to pure confusion. “Huh?”

“Oh my gawd you two!” Patty screeching at the both of us pulls our undivided attention. “Lav this is awesome! I’ll buy all the confetti you want! Oh my god!” Falling into another round of oxygen depriving laughter poor Patty sinks to her knees in merriment. “Drew! You have a… a… penguin on your face!” Watching Patty lean against the wall I turn my attention to Drew. He does indeed have a penguin on his face. A rather cute red penguin.

“Why is he sparkling and she turning blue? Humans aren’t supposed to be blue.” Tommy announces his return in his typical manner. My nose tickles with the perfume of one of the five vivacious young ladies giggling down the avenue. Tommy fed close tonight.

Frowning at his question regarding Patty I look to our human. Tilting my head I blink several times. “Patty my dear I must implore you to breathe I shan’t think you want me to perform mouth to mouth. I dear say I shall not be held accountable for my actions if I do.”

Wiping tears from her eyes our quirky human tries to take several profound breaths ultimately failing. “Sparkling vampire!” Laughing once more poor Patty is rendered speechless payable to lack of oxygen.

“Gah! Tommy!” Drew jumps, abandoning his vain attempt to remove the confetti when Tommy appeared in front of him, head tilted slightly.

“That’s going to take a shower,” Tommy states.

“What? Why?” Drew demands, taking a step back. Tommy lacked any knowledge of personal space.

“Because that is what humans do when they are dirty,” Tommy replies. He pauses, examining Drew closer. “Your hair reminds me of a game my niece used to play called ISpy.”

Turning to Drew I most certainly doth agree with Tommy.

ISpy indeed. “Perhaps we should play a game or two?” I ask casually.

“Why?” Tommy asks. His hands in the pockets of his new jeans, head slightly tilted, told me Tommy is relaxed. I would be too if I just fed. A very satisfying feeling.

I shrug. “It’s the human thing to do.”

Tommy blinks several times. “Yes, I guess that’s the ultimate goal isn’t it? Being human?”

Drew tosses his shirt, silently admitting defeat. A distinguishing spat pierces the room as Drew’s shirt hits Patty’s wall. I blink leisurely tilting my head as his shirt gradually slides down ultimately glomping onto the floor. “No, the goal is to embrace what we are right? Being vampire?” His eyebrows crinkle with the drying glue. Another glob dribbles from Drew’s bangs landing on his nose. A purple giraffe takes post on the slant of his nose.

“No,” grabbing a bottle of water from the kitchen countertop I empty it over Patty, her rich vivid curses drift throughout her petite home, “our goal is to be neither human nor vampire. We are to simply be as we are. Being true.”


  1. WooHoo! Poor Drew he just can't win & you're all wet... -snickers-

  2. I wouldn't be all wet if Lav hadn't dumped water on me. =PPPPP

  3. *snickers* This was endlessly amusing! Lor, anytime you wanna write a short story with any of the I&I characters, let me know!