People want to read my book. That hit me hard last night, the realization that people want to read something I wrote. It's a bit (translate: a lot) terrifying. My heart stutters and nerves buzz. People want to read my story and it makes me want to run and hide.
It's not even like no one has seen what I've written either. People read this blog, my tweets, my facebook. I've put samples up and I've given Being Human to almost complete strangers to beta read. That's different though. When I send my MS out to a beta reader, I'm expecting them to find mistakes. Even if I hate all the red, I know it's coming.
Publishing is different. My story will be out there as is. If someone doesn't like it, there's nothing to be done about it. There is little I can do. I can't ask them to send it back, marking in red errors they found or make notes on parts they think need improvement. The story is published and that means no more red.
I guess my problem is I can't quite stomp out the fear that I'll disappoint the people who have told me they are excited to read my story. The excitement that built up is doused in disappointment.
Wow, I really thought she had potential.
It sounded so good on the website.
It went to hell in the middle.
It was nothing like I thought it would be.
I didn't deliver, I just helped prove all indie writers are crap.
And I am completely aware that all this is my anxiety and fears. I also think it's probably normal. What person in their right mind wouldn't be scared of the big P day? Traditional or indie, it's a big thing. Your baby is being released into the world and you can't take it back. It is finished. The end.
But it's not over... Not by a long shot.
I wrote this blog a few days ago, since then my proofread editor got back to me with her edits and an email asking me if there was someplace she could leave a review of Being Human. I suggested goodreads. This is what she said:
Yes, I am still terrified people won't like it.