Wednesday, April 6, 2011

F is for Fin's Query

This is what? Query number four I believe and there was a bit of a debate. I have two stories that begin with the letter F. Do I pick one or do both? I decided on one since A)Give me a break, queries are tough! and B) Fin's story is more developed than Felix's. Plus Fin is the title of the story! Yes I do have stories with titles! (Can you say T post anyone?)

Before I get to the query, let me tell you a little about the inspiration for Fin. I got the idea after watching Waterworld and skimming through Forgive My Fins - cute book but five pages in I figured out the ending and that just killed it for me. Anyways, I thought wouldn't a merperson story be fun but I didn't want to do the fish tail. What that means is Fin has legs but he also has webbed feet and hands. And little claws to dig because his race is vegetarian. The claws do serve another purpose for defense. Fin's story is far from done but more so than Felix's, hence why I'm going with a query for him.

The tricky thing with Fin is trying to describe the human world through eyes that have never seen it. What would a computer look like to a guy who lives underwater? Or scuba equipment? It's an alien world to my main character but not to me. The story is a challenge in that way and the first draft is definitely stumbling along. Anyways, here's what I have so far on Fin's query.

They come from the land. They take us, mutilate us then toss us back broken. Sometimes, the ones they take never return.

Fin's heard the warnings his whole life. Stay away from the landwalkers. But Fin's never paid much heed to the warning. As long as the landwalkers don't see him, he's safe. There are bigger concerns in the ocean to worry about than strange creatures covered in black with fake fins. Like finding the perfect gift for his mate-to-be. Heading into shallow waters, Fin doesn't see them until the net falls over him. 

Held in a prison with invisible walls, Fin is now at the landwalkers' mercy. They poke him with strange instruments, cover his body with soft pads and place him in strange objects with loud noises. His only comfort is Chris, a female landwalker. With her help, he starts to learn their language and the meaning behind why they took him. Chris promises nothing bad will happen to him, the landwalkers are only searching for answers.

.... I might have to stop right here. I still have a long way to go on the story and I'm not sure I should try to write the ending of the query before the story is finished. Things could change along the way. I will tell you what I have planned is something is going to happen to the one scientist that is keeping Fin off the dissection table and Chris is going to hatch a plan to help Fin escape. But I'm not entirely sure I will end the story with Fin escaping or go a little farther with him making it home and have a few things happen there that drives him back to land and Chris. This is what I get for being a panster and not a plotter - which is going to be discussed in tomorrow's I post.


  1. I am very much a reader of realistic fiction, but I have to say your idea makes me want to read your book! I truly am hooked and fascinated.
    One thing about query you probably already know, they are typically a page long, which includes your biography, as well. You may not want the story hook to be much longer than it already is.

    I want you to finish the book. I so want to read it!

  2. Ooh, looks so interesting! I haven't gotten to the query stage yet, but I don't think there is a more valualbe way to learn then to see the actual queries of other writers. So thank you for sharing. I think posting queries on blogs is a good idea, too. You never know who might see it and be impressed ;)

    Sarah Allen
    (my creative writing blog)

  3. Sarah make sure to check out query shark then. Just skimming through the many critiques of queries provided there will help you learn so much.

    @Susan I'm trying to finish! Too many voices vying for attention in my head makes it tough who to listen to. (They also like to shut up at once too.)

  4. This sounds like a great story, and I'm totally interested already just from this. Thanks for sharing, and best of luck with finishing!