Sunday, April 3, 2011

C is for Caleb's Query

The story for the query you are about to read is one of my first ones ever written. I scanned through it, brushing up on the story for this post. Man, I have a huge plot hole in it! I still enjoy the story and maybe one day I'll put it through rewrites or come up with a title for it! I'm horrible at titles. Maybe that should be my T post. This is also my first attempt at writing a query for this story which I've learned is equivalent with being awful. Writing the story is easy, writing the query is hard!

All Caleb wants is acceptance. 

Left alone in a dark alley covered in his mother's blood Caleb is discovered by a nun and kind priest. Taken in at the Sacred Heart Orphanage Caleb struggles to understand himself. He knows he's not like the other children. Thirst burns in his throat and a desire to sink his teeth into the other children fills his thoughts. Eventually he discovers his true nature, that of a vampire.

When Lauren, her twin brother Danny and their little sister Lee arrive at the orphanage, Caleb can't keep his eyes off her. He's intrigued by the smell and sight of her, curious about the mystery surrounding their parents deaths that has all the marks of a vampire attack. Despite discovering what Caleb is, Lauren feels drawn to him and their relationship blooms.

Forced to leave his home and Lauren behind, Caleb is hunted by his own kind. Their reason for wanting him destroyed: You were born. Only when he meets other vampires, one claiming to be born like he was does he learn about the vampire world. Any vampire born is hunted down and destroyed and his new friends have been running all their lives. The race to stay one step ahead of the turned vampires leads them across the country and finally back to Caleb's home at the orphanage. 

The reunion with his family and Lauren is bittersweet. Three vampires brothers are planning on a world coup, usurping humans as the superior race. Joining the born vampires and turned vampires, Caleb works to infiltrate the vampire government and help free the human race. One wrong move means his death. Or more importantly, the death of Lauren.


  1. I'm learning about queries at the moment, so can't say I know enough to comment on the query style, but this sounds like a story filled with conflict and a good pace. Here's hoping Caleb finds a place out there.

    Wagging Tales - Blog for Writers

  2. I don’t know too much about query either, but the story sounds fun.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog.

  3. This story sounds very intriguing. I like the way that you keep the reader engaged through your query. Happy to meet you through the A to Z challenge.

  4. Love the first sentence... and crossing my fingers that this querying process gets easier and better, too.

    I look forward to reading more via the AtoZ challenge!

    My Check in for today.

  5. Julie, it has gotten easier. Since I got over the hump with Being Human and learned to keep it simple and focus on the mail plot this query came a lot easier. It was still tough, trying to decide whose names to drop and writing then deleting sentences when I realize it's TMI.

    There is hope for us writers when it comes to the query!

  6. Sounds great. Good luck! I'm a fellow "A to Z" blogger and I look forward to reading more from you.

  7. Nice to meet you thru the a-z challenge. Good luck.

  8. I'm in the querying stage right now! It's been a lot of learning and after having it put up on the blog and having it critiqued it helped me a whole lot!!!

    I stopped in to welcome you to the A to Z challenge! As a co-host, should you need anything don't hesitate to ask!!! I do hope you'll stop by my neck of the woods to say hi! We're also having fun at twitter (I'm @jenunedted and we're at #atozchallenge)!

  9. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'm not good with queries, so no comments on that, but it looks like good writing.

  10. You've written a compelling query. Once sentence you can clear up is who Caleb can't keep his eyes, off because you list three people arriving.
    The word that comes to mind when I think of queries is, well, unprintable. :)

  11. Good point Gail. Reason number one why it's good to have a few people read your work. You know what's going on but might not have written it that way.

  12. I can't claim to be any kind of querying expert, and while I know you don't intend on querying this one per se, if you'd like to talk querying, shoot me an email.

    Happy to meet you through the A-to-Z Challenge :)

    East for Green Eyes