Monday, February 7, 2011

Dark and Stormy Night Blogfest contest

I found something quite fun. A blogfest contest (ha! That rhymes!) hosted by Brenda Drake at her blog. It's easy to enter, just state the first sentence in your story. See? Easy! Ready to see what I got? Here goes nothing!


Name: Patricia Lynne
Title: Being Human
Genre: YA paranormal

It's said vampires forget their human lives.




Want to enter? Click on the link above, Brenda has all the details on this fun blogfest. Also, check out the other entries and blogs.

18 comments:

  1. Oh I love this! I'm a huge vampire fan, so this one tugs at my heart strings...but I honestly can say that even if I wasn't a vampire fan I would like this. It's intriguing and has an old-school tone to it that I like. Maybe lose the contraction It's and make it "It is said that"...the pacing sounds better to me (that's my opinion, of course).
    Job well done!

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  2. Thanks and I agree, It is would sound better so I changed it in my MS.

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  3. I love vampire novels & I really do like this opening line. I was going to suggest the same thing as Jamie, but I do not want to sound redundant, especially if you agree & changed it already in your MS. :) Wait . . . did I just sound redundant by not trying to sound redundant? Fail. lol

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  4. I agree with changing it to "It is said..."

    I like this line and want to read more. The reader in me says it is great as is. The writer part of me says, "Hmmm... can she make it even more powerful?"

    I think there is room for more punch, but I can't put my finger on why!

    Maybe, "It is said that Vampires forget their human lives... but it must be a lie."

    I don't know what happens with your character, so the above scenario might be completely off track. I'm just trying to think of what will give that sentence even more punch. Then again, I'm no agent - so ignore me if I'm not making sense!

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  5. I agree with wordwranglernc - I want a little bit more to sink my teeth into (no pun intended). Maybe a character to anchor it and give it context.

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  6. Patricia - I so envy people who have the guts to read these beautiful stories - I have scores of friends who dote on vampire stories but unfortunately I get completely possessed by the them ... I start at the minutest sounds and am a mess for days together : (. The idea, however, rocks ...

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  7. I like the first line. I agree with the comments about anchoring it with a character. Maybe instead of they say, could someone in particular say it? The only other thing is your title. Being Human is the name of a pretty famous British TV show that is, having been remade, now showing on the syfy channel in the US. So you might want to consider changing it... clearly an awesome title though! :-)

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  8. I like it although I didnt know about the TV show.
    Good luck with this, wishing you all the best!!
    Jim

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  9. Jim: Being Human was recently adapted by the SyFy channel. I'm hoping since that's TV and mine's a book I can get around it. I follow Joe Hill on twitter and he talks about a comic that has the same name of a TV show so that gives me hope. Being Human is a good title for Tommy too because that's pretty much his journey: trying to figure out Being Human even though he's a vampire.

    Christine: The story is told first person, so in essence Tommy is saying it, to the audience.

    Wordwranglernc: my vampires forget being human. Almost instantly so my first sentence is a true statement for the story. Don't worry, I explain the statement and reasons why vampires forget being human next.

    I feel like a tease now, dangling the first sentence for all to see and giving nothing more.

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  10. Nice opening. I would suggest to use the full "It is" rather than "It's" though.

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  11. Can I say that it lacked some oomph for me? Can you add something that builds on why this is said?

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  12. I agree with everyone on the It is verses the it's. Using contractions is important for modern speech and modern narration, but this has an older school feel to it.

    I'm interested because that's not part of Vamp mythology that I've heard before - forgetting their human lives.

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  13. Love that you give us a lot of details in one small sentence. Vampires, a possible conflict with said vampires and a feel for the voice.

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  14. Myne, you can totally say that! The rest of the paragraph in the story explains the statement. Now I'm wondering should I post it for everyone.

    SM, I love vampire stories and have a lot of stories written/started and NONE of them are the same. Each one the vampire mythology has a twist that I hope sets it apart from other stories.

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  15. I'd love to see a little more to this to make it slightly more dynamic or give more sense of setting or place. Still, while I know nothing of your novel, I imagine it sets up something very specific.

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  16. I agree with Kate Haggard. I'd like a little more context. :-)

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  17. I like this - makes me want to read on, for sure. I also think "It is said" is better.

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